the missing link to believing in your worth

Photo by Ariel Lustre

Guest post by Lisa Kuzman, LCSW

Do you know what you deserve?

This notion of 'deserving' has recently snuck into my thought process. I caught myself thinking "yes, I deserve this" when something I'd hoped for came true or while enjoying an experience that I may have otherwise felt guilty about. I started wondering, how do we determine what we deserve and how does that tie into our sense of self-worth?

If I scan back 5+ years, I remember a time when I wasn't sure what I wanted, let alone what I deserved. I had no specific desires other than to achieve and prove I was good enough. I did not know what contentment or deep joy felt like.

Most everything I wanted was what I thought I was supposed to want.

I was unaware of my basic preferences. If you had asked me what movie I wanted to see, what kind of chocolate I preferred, or where I wanted to go for dinner, I would have answered each question with, "Whatever." I spent all of 2012 methodically trying to figure out what my actual preferences were and which of those preferences were correlated with happiness, joy and bliss.

After I figured that out, I started to explore what it was to dream. To hope and desire for more. My dreams started very small, and have slowly expanded. The Desire Map process by Danielle LaPorte helped me learn how to want what I want and be ok with the longings of my heart.

I learned how to ​crack the code of my desires and get what I actually wanted. 

I was hard-wired to believe that I had to work really hard to get what I wanted; that hoping and dreaming were a waste of time; and that I could only "have" certain things. Other things were outside of my reach. This is pretty common with my clients too.

One of my coaching clients diminished a major accomplishment because "It felt too easy.....so of course the contest was rigged, right?" Two clients couldn't get clear on what kind of raise they wanted to ask for until they worked out what they felt they deserved. Knowing what your bills add up to or what it might cost to get a mani/pedi every once in a while has nothing to do with what a woman thinks she is worth.

What you think you deserve is directly connected to what you are willing to ask for, request, demand or fight for.

In my reflection, I realized that my journey to live my best life had to start with getting clear on who I was, what I needed and wanted, what changes I was willing to make and...what I deserve. It's a cool but odd thing to enjoy something and believe "Yes, I deserve this".

We can only have what we believe we deserve. Our worldview, culture, family of origin, and generational baggage related to money, sex, lack and privilege all affect what we think we deserve.

I'm pretty intrigued with how the law of attraction, manifestation and neurolinguistic programming help you achieve your desires. But this piece my friends - this thing about getting to a place where you become SO BOLD that you actually believe you're worthy of your desires and deserve the longings of your heart - THIS is the missing link to your self-worth. The act of believing in your worthiness enough to embrace your good fortune and realize that you deserve the goodness that has come your way.

.   .   .

Lisa Kuzman is a clinical social worker turned life coach serving modern women who crave sassy and classy solutions for adulting, "because the struggle is real." She spent 10 years practicing as a social worker in geriatrics, end-of-life care and the veterans healthcare system before discovering coaching.

As a life coach, she helps 20-something women navigate the twists and turns of early adulthood by teaching them to trust themselves, communicate effectively, set boundaries, go after their dreams and be as bright and shiny as they are.

Click here to learn more about Lisa and her work.

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