Getting Up After Being Knocked Down

8 Ways to Regain Your Confidence After Difficult Times

Guest post by Christina Lerchin, Personal Growth and Grief Specialist

I'm often surprised by how much we use the words “I am fine” after going through something difficult, as if we can magically be okay once we say this sentence. Yet, more often than not, we are the opposite of fine.

We are overwhelmed.

We are exhausted.

We feel like a failure when we can’t keep it together.

When life knocks us to the ground, it shatters our confidence.

When you’ve been through a difficult challenge, it's easy to feel like your confidence has absolutely vanished. Unexpected moments -or trials- can leave you feeling unsteady, confused and lost.

You can end up becoming your own worst enemy, and consume yourself with all the negative self-talk that keeps shouting in your head!

I'm here to tell you to stop listening to that voice. The voice that tells you you won’t survive the hardship. The voice that says you're not strong enough to get through things.

You are strong enough.

We all fail and falter. We lose our nerve when life beats us down.

But you are brave enough to keep going, even when your confidence is shot.

I remember a time when I felt like life was hitting me in every direction, and the overwhelm and stress overpowered me. I barely cared enough to brush my hair.

Ponytail and sweats? Yep. That was me.

I felt as though my brain was swollen and I couldn’t make a rational decision. I was missing deadlines and missing out on my life.

But here is the truth. No one could have gotten me to bounce back… until I was ready to. I had to WANT to feel good again. I had to WANT to rebuild my confidence.

And you will too. You will slowly come back to life, and your confidence will radiate through the struggle.

Here are 8 tips to help you regain your confidence, even when you feel dismantled by life:

1. Know who you are. When you reconnect with the person you are deep down, your confidence will begin to rise once again. Practice self-reflection and survey your inner self to discover your resilience. By reminding yourself of your inherent strength, you can lean on it to get you through a challenge. 

2. Acknowledge the supportive community you have in your life. Reach out to your friends. Surround yourself with the close relationships you enjoy with family members. Hold on to those relationships ​and don't be afraid to ask for support. By doing so, your confidence will be lifted by their love and belief in you. 

3. Embrace challenges. Tell yourself, “I don’t know for sure if I can succeed, but I do know that I will try my best.” Build your confidence by facing these unexpected moments head on. Recognize that every challenge teaches you something valuable that you can apply later in life, whether or not you're able to see it now. 

4. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others is the easiest way to bash your confidence. The answer to, "Why can't I be more like Jen?" is "Because you're not Jen - you're YOU." My mother always instilled in her children to never compare ourselves to other people because we don't know their journey or what they're going through. Especially in the day of social media, we need to recognize that life is not an Instagram post. Hold true to who YOU are. Discover your own strengths and expand upon them. 

5. Establish new goals. What is it that you hope to accomplish in life? Whatever it is that you seek, it's important. Write new goals that get you excited about the future and help you move forward. I've always found that goal setting is the easiest way to get myself centered and primed to move on. 

6. Work toward achieving your goals. As you accomplish things you've worked hard for, you'll feel more capable of doing anything. Give yourself credit for every small win! By doing so, you'll experience deep feelings of satisfaction and confidence as you put your efforts toward things that matter to you. Working toward and achieving your goals is one of the sweeter things in life. Welcome to the process! 

7. Use positive self-talk. Speak to yourself using phrases such as, "I know I can do it," "I did a fantastic job," and "It's time to go for it!" Talk to yourself as though you're the smartest, kindest, most talented person you've ever met (because you are). You'll be stunned at the difference it makes when you speak to yourself in a positive manner. 

    Working to regain your confidence is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. You are worthy of honoring your setbacks, but not letting them dismantle you.

    Try these suggestions and you’ll be on the road to regaining your footing. With practice, you'll start to believe in yourself again. I am here cheering you on!

    .   .   .

    Christina Lerchen is a certified Grief Recovery Specialist and editor in chief of The Best Unexpected, an online membership community and inspirational website that helps women navigate life's unexpected moments such as grief, overwhelm, and loss. 

    She provides grief support, creative outlets such as journaling prompts, adult coloring books, and personal growth workbooks to her online community. Her writings has been featured in magazines such as Self, Allure Korea,, CBS Watch!, and Women's World Daily and her blog has been syndicated on, Chicago Sun Times, Huffington Post, USA Today, and Yahoo Shine. 

    Click here to learn more about Christina and her work.

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